“You deserve someone better.”

Really? I remembered when a guy I once liked told me that. I was dumbfounded at what he said that all I mustered up as a reply was “Oh, okay..?”

I mean, really? How can someone know you deserve someone better than them? I think that makes it a downer for them. But at the same time, they really are the ones who know that you do deserve someone better, they do know their selves better. Or maybe, in saying that, they just really don’t like you. There are exceptions. We’re only talking about the rejection stuff and crap and what-not (you can see here that I have a wide range of vocabulary).

So after a long talk with myself, I finally realized what the guy I once liked was saying. That he only likes me as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. (Well, actually, two weeks later he and my then-best friend became an item. They’re still a couple. But that’s another story.) It was actually a slap in the face, you know. I was like, “Wait, you’re saying I deserve someone better. When in fact, what you’re trying to say is YOU deserve someone better. Fuck! I DO deserve someone better!”

I just don’t like that line to be used for rejecting someone you don’t want to hurt. People need to hear the truth. All I’m saying is when you like someone, and you think you might become an item, and then they just spring that up to you, remember this. REMEMBER THIS. You deserve someone better really means  DON’T LIKE YOU IN A ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL WAY. And that you really do deserve someone better. Only douchebags (who are not even douchebags can become douchebags when they) use honeyed words to “take the pain away” which in fact, will still hurt. Not like hell, though. Your pride will be the only thing that’s bruised. So no worries. Though I must say, run the other way if you hear this. You wouldn’t want to be that person’s friend, too, anymore. HAHA!

Okay. I was bitter for a month, including the time where he and my then-best friend were starting out as a couple. But I must say that taking it was the best decision I have ever made. I have never been happier. He was right, you see. I did deserve someone better than him. And I finally have that someone. That someone I deserve… He’s more than enough. He’s the best of the best. And I think he deserves me, too. Haha! Only the best for the best. 😉

Missing (on) a lot of things? Not really. I have Monica. :)

Earlier, I made a short visit to one of my best friends since high school. We had catching up to do and I was seeking solace for I was pissed off with my one true love. Monica gave me that, and I’m happy. Thanks, babygurl. 🙂

While we were talking, of course we brought up the past and a lot of other stuff. We got to talking about our former crushes and friends who just stopped being friends. We reminisced for a while, even went through her photos. I told her I wanted to relive our prom night. She said she missed her long hair and her thinness back then. Of course, we had a talk about our ultimate crushes. HAHAHAHA! Of which we only felt giddiness, up to now. Yes. Ehem, JR, ehem. Haha. We also talked about our, uhm, romances which happened while in college, with high school buddies. Mine were, of course, short-lived. I regret the first one. The second, well, I’m glad it happened. While hers was an on-off thing, it went on for years until it was finally cut. Completely. And here I am, her rock.

Since we talked about our past, we talked about the present. And the future. You can’t talk about one without the other. We miss high school – the carefree days, the friendships we made, and the easiness of it all. We’d like to turn back time for a while. But we also like who we are right now, even though we’re not successful (yet) or have no accomplishments that are mention-worthy (except hers, she’s a cum laude in her university). We didn’t see this coming, and neither did we plan it. But it’s definitely something. We met. and still continue to meet, other people, interesting characters that add color in our lives. We learned lessons that help us shape our decisions. We keep learning, And learning. It’s the only thing we do. And we changed. Drastically, may I add. But we’re still the same.

And here is one of the most wonderful and precious friendships I will ever have. I treasure this. Monica is my rock, too. I’m just glad that we have the ability to keep our friendship. Even though we don’t have the time to always check up on each other, and we might not see each other for a while, we know that we’re friends. And no matter what happens, we’ll always be friends. This is the kind of love that doesn’t consume you, it only nourishes you both. And I’ve told her this before, she is a blessing, a one of a kind. And I’m so happy I have her in my life. 🙂

Cheers to seven years of friendship, babygurl! Be happy!

This is my first time so please be gentle.

“Happy blogging!” – WordPress

Okay. I am a newbie in this blogsite. I have a Tumblr and Blogspot account, but I haven’t been updating them much since who knows when. This is my first post, and since my URL has something to do with distress, I’ll start with a depressing post. Depressing in a shallow manner. I can be sooo pathetic. I know.

So I’m twenty-one. In three months, I’ll be twenty-two. I am jobless, still working on a college degree. I was supposed to be a graduate last year but I took a wrong turn in my college life, and here I am! Six years in college. This is my fourth year in a supposed two-year associate course. I’m getting tired. Who wouldn’t? I have no idea what to do in life. It was so easy when I was young. I kinda had a goal. But gahd, reality can be so depressing. And life will let you know in a screwed up way, that you can’t have everything you want. But you do have to work hard for it if you really want it.

I don’t know what I want. That is the hard part. Most of the time, I’m being dragged down. And it’s sad because I know I can do better, be better than this. But I don’t do anything about it. I’m scared, afraid; I don’t want to take risks. And in saying that, I am a hypocrite. I keep telling my friends that in order to be happy, to really get what you want, you need to take risks. And here I am! Scared to even do anything to make my life better, to follow my dreams! If I met myself when I was sixteen, Lord, would I be disgusted in how I’d turn out to be.

I just feel sad… Knowing all this. And yet, I don’t do anything about it…

I just want to write.